just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
And then he peed in my hair
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
