u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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