recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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