I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
