I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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