i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
now i know why i became what i already was.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
