You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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