Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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