i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
