I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
