Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
