I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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