he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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