Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
