come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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