fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
