i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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