I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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