Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
