i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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