the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
did i just pee glitter
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