theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
