what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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