I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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