lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
