there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
