she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
