chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she pinky promised me she was 18
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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