I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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