woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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