something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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