well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
