Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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