FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize