How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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