I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
