I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
