Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
