I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
