I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
