i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
