I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
