Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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