now i know why i became what i already was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
