Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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