How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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