I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
