Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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