I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
