You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
