there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
