Soap is not a condiment
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
