the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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