I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
