Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
