You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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