how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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