New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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