Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
