phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
