I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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