That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
